How easy or hard is it to stop conflict; depends what kind of situation that I am in. I have been in many different conflicts that involve a lot of things, but I try and follow the S-TLC model which is Stop, Think, Listen, and Communicate. When in an argument I think you can be so mad that you can so much rage inside you; but at the same time you really get to understand the message that is being conveyed to you it helps calm the problems. My coach always told me; listen to the message not the messenger, meaning that the person can yelling; ripping; and swearing at you after all that it should make sense to the both of you what is going on. Some peers find it a game to do it that way; like my coach then; some do it because they feel empowered but then realize it doesn't solve anything.
I find myself in between because sometimes it is hard if you are constantly getting in a conflict about the same situation everyday, but if I am not ready to speak about the conflict, I simply just tell the person I can't about this right now I need some time to think. I go and shoot some hoops or get a little run in; then when I am about level headed; i go back speak to them.
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“Listen to the messenger, not the message.” Sounds like your coach could use some communications training. I used to hear that same line when my mom would scream, yell and throw things to make sure that she was heard. Back then, I did not know that aggression is not okay except in dire circumstances. We all get angry enough some times to feel like shouting, but that does not mean that it is alright to verbally vomit on another human being. I caution you to be careful about allowing yourself to be abused. If your coach is allowing this behavior, maybe you should seek a third party mediator.
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